Last night, Steven was changing her diaper and all of the sudden, she busted into hysterics. He said that Kaia belly laughed for several minutes straight. He didn't do anything to inspire that kind of reaction, he was simply just changing her diaper. I, on occasion, will start laughing, and will laugh harder, and will laugh even harder (which causes me to craugh [pronouced 'craff': ] or almost wet my pants). Steven doesn't know what to do when I'm having a laughing fit, so he probably is even more at a loss when it comes to an itsy bitsy 5 month old in hysterics.
Sometimes I have a hard time seeing myself in her. She is so much of her daddy's daughter that I wonder if she got anything from me. I'm so stupid because I'll choke up and try really hard not to let the tears well up in my eyes while trying to convince myself that she is very much my little girl and that she does have bits and pieces of me, too, even if I can't recognize it easily. Her laughing fit last night made me smile--it's something that I do. I know it must seem silly to you all, but I really struggle with this, and last night was an answer to a prayer.
Then this morning, she was trying so desperately to crawl. She gets so close and then awkwardly falls to the side, or her knees slip out from under her, or she'll bump her head. After watching her for a moment, I started to recognize my stubborness (aka determination) in accomplishing this daunting task of crawling. She continued to try for a good 15 minutes and then started to get very frustrated and that little lip stuck out, and she started to wimper. I burst into tears over this because I feel like that a lot lately: totally frustrated and confused as to why I can't accomplish my tasks at hand. I know exactly how she feels. It's been a little--no, more like a big-- trial trying to get school started, get the house unpacked and running, get the laundry and the dishes done, etc, etc, etc whilst also pursuing things that I want to do like playing with Kaia, sewing, knitting, planning Janessa's wedding, playing some more with Kaia...etc, etc, etc. When I do the things I want to do, I usually get a lot done. But for some reason, when I do the things I have to do, I don't get very much done.
Hopefully we'll both get going: Kaia will take off crawling, and I'll eventually catch up on the things I have to do...but still keep pursuing the things I want to.
Remember, you have to "try" in "trials."
Today has stunk, hopefully tomorrow will be much better.
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2 comments:
Ok... now you do relise that when she crawls, the 4.16 min. that she was in one place, she could clean the DVDs off the shelf,enpty the garbage,get into so many other things that you will not have any extra time. So don't push it. I know it's hard with you first. But some one had to warn you. :) Your great. Keep up the good work.
She is standing on her tip toes! How cute! Dad said that was how he crawled... his knees never hit the ground. What a cutie!
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